I forgot about this blog...

And so given that people, actually, maybe no one really knows about this blog, I can practically write whatever I want here.

I feel weird. I am not happy, I am not sad. I just feel so stagnant--like I am not motivated or inspired. Which to be honest is really quite boggling since in a few days I start rehearsing for a show I have been dreaming to do for a really long time.

Was it the shoot? What happened? Its like it subdued me and made me feel less...

I want to be able to feel more. I feel a bit numb.

An Attempt to Start Blogging Again

My last blog didn't leave me precious memories. Hence, I deleted it at an impulse to change my life and to rise above what I was going through at that point. BUT writing has always been one of the ways I have expressed myself. That is why, even if people do not really know this blog (compared to the last one that was known to all), I will still once again attempt to express my thoughts and feelings through blogging.

I am tired. I am tired and frustrated by what's going on. I really feel that it is unfair. I have done my best and at this point, there is nothing left to do but wait. I no longer want to expect, I might just hurt in the end. All I know is I deserve it and hopefully it will happen.

So til the decision is made and given to me, there is nothing more to do but pray.

Answered :)

Music has always been my first love...and that's precisely why I am into musical theater and have been performing on stage since i was 4. I cannot imagine life without music.

I just got home from Saguijo. Kyla invited us for Brazil Night where i caught performances of Lead, Brigada, Sound and Nyko Maca. I was amazed at how good all the bands were..REALLY. It was my first time to watch all four live and was reminded of how important music is to me. But i think what struck me most about tonight was the evident devotion of these musicians to their craft. It was beautiful to see these music lovers perform and bare their souls through their music. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

Its wonderful how some people really choose to do what they love doing despite the instability, how they choose to stick to their crafts no matter what. That takes a lot of courage. To make that decision you have to have a certain kind of passion.

I have been thinking of what I should do now that I have graduated... For a couple of months now, I have been thinking about whether or not i should pursue theater because of its instability and because of other options...But after tonight, I think I pretty much got my answer. :)

dancing through life

i'm fickle. i'm indecisive. i'm wishy-washy. yes, when i put my heart into something, i give it my all..but it takes time for me to decide on what to really put this heart of mine into.

i guess i've known this about me all along, but its just now that i realize that i do have a hard time making big decisions. there are too many what ifs, and that scares me. i try to procrastinate decision making as much as i can. in a way i guess its kind of a good thing too..at least i try to think--no actually OVERANALYZE and THINK WAY TOO MUCH before actually taking that leap of faith. perhaps when i do decide that its time to jump, i'll be a hundred percent sure. and thats what matters. :)

yes, i am easily swayed. is that so bad?

"And everyday i am swayed by whatever is on my mind..." :p

Can memories be erased?

Memory Master

The Memory Master was sitting on his favorite position inside the El del Mario, some fancy Italian restaurant. Smoking his expensive cigar, he remembered all the contests that he participated and won, granting him the honor of being called the Memory Master.

Fifty faces to be matched with fifty names, recalling specific details on unknown art works, plate numbers matched with speeding cars across the street, meeting and putting in mind random personas in the mall, recalling the first hundred numbers of the pie; all of which he succeeded in accomplishing above the rest.

A smile was painted on the Memory Master’s face as he finally threw his unfinished cigar in the ashtray.

“Waiter, the bill please.”

The silver platter was placed on the table, an arm’s length away from him. 3400.50 pesos all in all, service charge included. The bill reached such a price because of the Tevenrotti pasta with extra olives, the honey glazed Lux Beautron, the baked potatoes soaked in Feriole dressing, and the soft bread sticks along with his 3 glasses of chilled red wine, 1992. The same order as the one he had exactly one year ago, June 18, he recalled as he reached for his pocket.

“Shit.”

The Memory Master forgot his wallet.

(gutch)

"Memory can change the shape of the room; it can change the color of a car.
And memories can be distorted.
They're just an interpretation,
they're not a record,
and they're irrelevant if you have the facts." -Memento.